The Nightmare Before Jeansmas

It’s the moooooost wonderful tiiiiiiiime of the yeeeeeeeaaarr!  Now I can openly get excited about Halloween, and boy are you ever gonna get a healthy helping of it over this next month.  Yey!!

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We are in FULL FALL mode now.  It’s Thanksgiving weekend and we’re about to enjoy the bounty of our harvests.  Here is my personal harvest for the year…CARROTS!

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What a successful growing season!  Not sure what I’ll do with them yet – maybe a carrot cake!  Or maybe I’ll starve if this is all I have to show for my harvest.

And this weekend we’ll all be getting cozy with our loved ones and lovers alike.  I need to get out and socialize with more than my dogs, so I’ve been scouting out some autumn hotties–check out these fly boys!

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This guy was rocking some mad Dad Bod, which I am not against, but he’s a hugger. He came at me with those open arms and I was like “no, please, I am very allergic to your insides!”

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This guy has kids, which is just part of dating in your 30s I guess, but I need someone with a face.  Is that SO MUCH to ask?!  Otherwise, this is just another faceless guy in a plaid shirt.  Boooooooorriiiiing. Get a personality, bro.

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This dude could NOT keep it together.  He was falling apart all over the place, busting out of his clothes.  And I just cannot get on board with white guy dreadlocks.  Plus – cargo jeans?  Really, what year is it, 1998?!?  Hacky sack your way out of my life.

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This fella gave me a weird feeling for some reason.  Perhaps it was the dead look in his empty eye sockets suggesting that he’d given up on life and was looking to steal a soul in order to get revenge on the women who had broken his heart and soul before that deterred me.  Or perhaps it was his gaping mouth-breathing face.

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Now this guy I felt I had a real connection with.  Such a jokester!  But what shattered the illusion was when he smiled at me and I saw he was missing several teeth.  That is just a deal breaker for me.  Plus, look at how much straw he has in his butt.  That’s just… too much.

K have a great Thanksgiving Day LONG weekend everyone!  I’m thankful that (most of) you like reading my nonsense every week 🙂

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