As I was wandering the vast, nonsensical desert of the internet this week, I stumbled upon an absolute oasis. Get this: Translink, everyone’s favourite local service provider, has MERCH. That’s right, you can buy for yourself, or those dearest to you, BUS paraphernalia. You’d like to see some examples? My pleasure.
1. Have a mandatory Secret Santa party with your friends who already have everything one could desire? How about a throw pillow with a bus on it. Now you get to experience joy in your own heart from seeing their horrified faces when they open the gift. Bet that’ll make them rethink the mandatory part real quick.
THEM: “It just doesn’t exactly go with our modern elegance concept.”
YOU: “Yeah but that’s the great thing about buses – they’re for EVERYONE!”
2. This is a gift that is both depressing as hell, and also a bit thought provoking.
How did transit already steal your heart, tiny baby? You have so much more to live for. Sad, right? But on the bright side, baby will quickly outgrow it and you’ll probably never be invited to a baby shower again!
3. Now here is a gift that says “I think you are THE MOST vapid person I have ever met”. A puzzle…of bus routes…1000 pieces. If you happen to receive one of these, it’s a sign that you need to get yourself a hobby. People are genuinely concerned about you.
4. If you already have your gifts bought, but want to add a subtle back-handedness, here is the item for you: Translink wrapping paper. Shroud your loved ones’ gifts in the Translink spirit – frustration and the wet coughs of strangers.
5. And last, but certainly not least, send a big EFF YOU to the people you don’t care about with transit cards. Because nothing says “I hate you so much I actually put effort into showing you how much I hate you” than a Christmas card with a grimey Skytrain on it. A Skytrain that is, no doubt, delayed or just not working because it snowed. Gee, I wish I could use that excuse to not do my job, SKYTRAIN.
And there you have it. Holidays made easy courtesy of Translink!
All that being said, please be happy and kind and heart-felt in your gift giving. 🙂