National Lampoon’s Cinco de Jeanso

As you may already know, this Saturday is CINCO DE MAYO — a day created specifically to commemorate everyone’s favourite or most hated (it’s one or the other it seems) condiment — MAYONNAISE! 

Since the dawn of civilization, humans have sought after the ideal sauce to slather on their meals.  Then in 1717, deep in the scullery of the Palace of Versailles, a butler carrying Kind Louis XV’s lunch was knocked off balance by a cat chasing a mouse, and collided into a pantry shelf.  A mess of ingredients including:

1 large egg yolk
1 ½ teaspoons fresh lemon juice
1 teaspoon white wine vinegar
¼ teaspoon Dijon mustard
½ teaspoon salt, plus more to taste
¾ cup canola oil

…drenched the King’s luncheon.  Without adequate time to prepare another meal for the King, the scullery maid forced the blundering butler to take the meal up to the king and confess that his roast pheasant was coated in a sauce of the butler’s doing.  And so up the butler went…

He served the soiled meal to King Louis and instead blamed the new sauce on the scullery maid!  The King made accusatory eyes at the butler, sliced himself a fork-full of pheasant, lifted it to his mouth, and tasted it…. he loved it!  The butler, now unable to change his story, was forced to let the scullery maid take all the praise for the blunder.  That scullery maid’s name?  Mayonnaise!  And so King Louis XV pronounced the 5th of May a day to celebrate Madame Mayonnaise and her delicious condiment concoction!


The Japanese were especially receptive to this new culinary delicacy and created their own adorable (of course) brand of mayonnaise which they use at every opportunity.

japanese mayo

Mayonnaise has evolved and taken on many saucy forms, like these complicated mayos.

complicated mayo

Pretentious fancy boy vegan mayo.

fancy vegan mayo

Cute homemade Pinterest mayo in a mason jar with all the organic ingredients  conveniently and neatly captured in the background.

homemade mayo

Gross combinations mayo…

gross mayo

For some reason I can handle putting these on a burger individually, but I cannot stomach the idea of the two of them pre-mixed for my convenience.  Ugh gross.  More goodies:

more gross

Mayo + ketchup = Mayochup
Mayo + barbecue sauce = Mayocue
Mayo + mustard  = …Mayomust?!

I guess the people at Heinz foresaw complications with a condiment called Mayotard.  Fair enough.

Fun Fact:  Until the writing of this email, I confess that I did not know how to spell “mayonnaise”.  And now I do!  I’m proud of me too.  🙂




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