Mystic Jeanzza

It’s Thursday, September 5th, 2019, which means that tomorrow must be…. JEANS DAY!

Apparently today is National Cheese Pizza Day and it’s also Virgo season.  OooooOOOooo! There’s a dumb (and I do mean DUMB) website out there that will tell you what kind of pizza you should order based on your zodiac sign.  You KNOW I’m going to have an opinion on that.  Ready Virgos? …

VIRGO (Aug. 22 – Sept. 23):  Flatbread Pizza Loaded With Veggies   <- (not plain cheese)
Topped with: Feta cheese, cherry tomatoes, basil, olives, oregano and olive oil.
Why it suits you: As a Virgo (go on), you’re a very practical eater with a love for almost all nutritious foods. You don’t normally indulge in pizza (not that you know of, website) , but when you do, you choose the healthiest option available (you’d like that, wouldn’t you) . Get that cell phone ready (we just call them “phones”, no need to specify, Grandpa) , and place an order for this flatbread pizza loaded with veggies and smothered in feta cheese (feta?  Poor choice for a smothering cheese) .  Delish!

Guess which sign DOES get the cheese pizza?  …

CAPRICORN (Dec. 23 – Jan. 20): Simple Thin Crust Cheese Pizza
Topped with: Cheese and marinara sauce. Super simple, of course!  (as a Capricorn—HOW DARE YOU!)
Why it suits you: You’re very traditional (what?!) and like things uncomplicated, your pizza included (please, tell me more about what I like) . Keep it classic by ordering a simple (point made!) thin crust cheese pizza from your fave (don’t ever say that) pizza joint. Your taste buds will adore you. (my taste buds can speak for themselves and they say they’re BORED, website!  I need at least two toppings in addition to cheese)

Well I’m in a rage now.  Moving on…

Last week someone, let’s just call them Don Joolan, gave me a hard time because the Jeans Day Weekly has been lacking in actual denim content lately.  SO HERE YOU GO, Joolan.

jacket

Simple and uncomplicated…bossy? Must be a Capricorn.

jean jacket

Just admit it.  Speak the truth, just like a Sagittarius.

jacket 3

Play on words. Clever.  Playful.  Artistic.  Typical Pisces.

No words needed. Strong, silent type, but ready to party.  Classic Taurus wear.

pizza-umbrella

Not jeans, but horrifyingly gross.  Stay away from me, Leos.

Enjoy a slice or whole pie tonight!

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