Lego Jeans Movie

wolverine

Here we are again, another glorious, sunny Thursday afternoon!  And tomorrow is Jeans Day.

Over the holidays I saw several fun children, and several childhood friends.  It made me feel very nostalgic for the “good ol’ days” of my youth which have since been trampled to death under the crippling weight of adult responsibilities, societal expectations, and ALL THE EMOTIONS.  Things were simpler way back when.  Blocks were blocks…

blocks

Raw wood.  Naked with nothing to prove.  Vulnerable and fearless.

Then came along Lego — a game-changer.  A new means by which to explore the vast wilderness of our imaginations.

It still resulted in some crude depictions of “chickens” and “people”, but if you could dream it, you could build it.  Was/is that the Lego slogan?!  BECAUSE IT SHOULD BE.

Now Lego has become as complicated as adult life, and equally as expensive!  Look at this —

complicated

That’s a $450 TAJ MA-FREAKING-HAL!  Are the bricks made out of marble?!  This would take hours, days even, and the instructions are probably as thick as a phone book (if you remember what that is).
…but wait…
…perhaps the complexity of this Lego is the fun of it?  Maybe Lego keeps growing to continue engaging it’s ever aging demographic?  Of course!

That’s it!  Because without these new and challenging stacks of blocks, we’d become bored with life – I mean Lego.  We need challenge to grow.  We need this many options for jeans on Lego people:

Then every time you finish building something insane like the Sydney Opera House…

sydney

…you can think, “Wow that was hard, but I did it.  What’s next, universe?!” because we are marvelously complex human beings who strive to know and be more! So many wonderful options, the world is ours for the exploring!  I GET IT NOW, what it means to be human!!  Thank you, Lego.

You’re all getting some real insight into the intricate nuances of my psyche.  Now get out there and SEIZE THE DAY!

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Bridget Jeans’ Diary

HAPPY NEW YEAR everyone!
We are back to our regular schedules and ready to hit the floor running as the new and improved versions of ourselves.  Because as everyone knows, when the New Year hits, you get to start from scratch, as if nobody knows anything about your previous 2018 life, to manifest your own, magical destiny! …right?  Maybe we’ll just start with some hot fashion-inspired resolutions, fresh off the runway.

RESOLUTION #1:  More patches.

trends 2

No need to strive for perfect in your wardrobe or life.  Just do your best, that’s all any of us can ever ask for.
And look, all the coolest kids have patches on their jeans.  The more, the better.  Just ask these little trendsetters:

kids

So chic.  And they were doing it in the 30s, waaaaaaay before any of us could claim this trend.

RESOLUTION #2: Be more voluminous.

more jean than woman

I mean, she’s more denim than woman.  And we should ALL BE.  Be the most YOU that you can be.  Maybe channel your inner Whitney from the 80s and resolve to dance with somebody.  Maybe you want to feel the heat with somebody.  With somebody who loves you.

whit 

RESOLUTION #3: Be more eco-conscious.

 THIS is why we need to resolve to A) stop using so much plastic! And B) make sure to cut up the plastic 6-pack rings before tossing them out.  A poor turtle or supermodel can easily get caught in these haphazardly discarded things, ruining their innocent lives.  Utterly heartbreaking.  Be less wasteful.

RESOLUTION #4: Always be prepared.

trends 2019

The apocalypse is coming.  That’s just a fact (see #3 re plastic).  So get ready by hoarding jeans so that you can construct a denim wardrobe to fight for your survival in.

future2

This suddenly got very dark.  But even if our wardrobes aren’t quite prepared, at least we ourselves can always be prepared with open arms to all the wonderful opportunities the universe offers.  Awwwww, I just made you shed a tear, didn’t I?

2019 IS GOING TO BE AN AMAZING YEAR!  I promise am mostly sure!

Land Before Jeans

WE’RE ALMOST THERE!  Just one more day until most of us are on holidays!  Tomorrow is JEANS DAY and, as far as I’m concerned, Holiday Sweater Day, so don your festive finery and have a jolly day.

If you have the honour of being at work next Friday, wear whatever the heck you want.  No one will see you.  Jeans?  Sure.  Velour tracksuit?  Go for it.  Rudolph onesie?  Definitely.  But I should mention that I have absolutely no authority over anyone’s dress code…

As you may have guessed by now, I’m a HUGE dork, and as such, this week’s edition of the Jeans Day Weekly is DINOSAUR THEMED!  Created mainly for my own enjoyment because I don’t give a hoot about what anyone else wants to see.  (Just kidding! I yearn deeply to tickle all your funny bones every single week)  It’s with a message of good tidings and holiday cheer for all, with something that everyone can appreciate.

Remember the things that are most important in life don’t cost a thing.  Ask J-Lo.
Mall

Get cuddly with the ones you love that maybe you don’t get to see a lot during the rest of the year.  I myself will be getting a week of Mom Time in, so you know I’ll be drinking heavily…because my mom makes a mean martini and we get drunk together while watching White Christmas and then tell each other how much we love each other.

Loved ones

Give yourself a reason to start a diet in the New Year by focusing on the three main holiday food groups: butter, sugar, and alcohol.  And in this case, dinosaur flesh.

Eating

Hopefully you all get to enjoy a balanced mix of crazy family/friends fun, and quiet contemplation.

Family (2)
MERRY CHRISTMAS!  HAPPIEST HOLIDAYS! HAPPY NEW YEAR!  Be safe and have LOTS of fun! 🙂

Cloverjeans

As I was wandering the vast, nonsensical desert of the internet this week, I stumbled upon an absolute oasis.  Get this:  Translink, everyone’s favourite local service provider, has MERCH.  That’s right, you can buy for yourself, or those dearest to you, BUS paraphernalia.  You’d like to see some examples?  My pleasure.

1.  Have a mandatory Secret Santa party with your friends who already have everything one could desire? How about a throw pillow with a bus on it.  Now you get to experience joy in your own heart from seeing their horrified faces when they open the gift. Bet that’ll make them rethink the mandatory part real quick.

bus pillow

THEM:  “It just doesn’t exactly go with our modern elegance concept.”
YOU:  “Yeah but that’s the great thing about buses – they’re for EVERYONE!”

2. This is a gift that is both depressing as hell, and also a bit thought provoking.

onesie

How did transit already steal your heart, tiny baby?  You have so much more to live for.  Sad, right?  But on the bright side, baby will quickly outgrow it and you’ll probably never be invited to a baby shower again!

3.  Now here is a gift that says “I think you are THE MOST vapid person I have ever met”. A puzzle…of bus routes…1000 pieces.  If you happen to receive one of these, it’s a sign that you need to get yourself a hobby.  People are genuinely concerned about you.

puzzle
4.  If you already have your gifts bought, but want to add a subtle back-handedness, here is the item for you: Translink wrapping paper. Shroud your loved ones’ gifts in the Translink spirit – frustration and the wet coughs of strangers.

wrapping paper

5.  And last, but certainly not least, send a big EFF YOU to the people you don’t care about with transit cards. Because nothing says “I hate you so much I actually put effort into showing you how much I hate you” than a Christmas card with a grimey Skytrain on it.  A Skytrain that is, no doubt, delayed or just not working because it snowed.  Gee, I wish I could use that excuse to not do my job, SKYTRAIN.

cards

And there you have it.  Holidays made easy courtesy of Translink!
All that being said, please be happy and kind and heart-felt in your gift giving. 🙂

Jeansapple Express

It’s a sunny Thursday afternoon, practically sunset, and time for another edition of the Jeans Day Weekly!  Tomorrow is Jeans Day, so don your dandiest dungarees and maybe even a festive sweater.  🙂

Last Friday was our office holiday party and, thanks to alcohol, I saw some great dance moves and am now hypothetically betrothed to several sons, so…yeah.  Cool…

Did you know that we are smack in the middle of Hanukkah right now?!  It’s day 6 (ok, it’s past halfway) tonight.  Which means this weekend is gonna be…

lit

You love it, don’t lie.
I’m sure our regional favourite Jewish boy Seth Rogan will be getting lit too – in more ways than one…

sesth

But it’s legal now, so who even cares.  My parents are more excited about legal pot than I am.
And in case you weren’t POSITIVE that he’s Jewish…

pika

He did dress up as “Pikajew” for Halloween one year.   So…yes.  Jewish. 100%.

But if you’re celebrating too hard with latkes, sufganiyot, cocktails, or a Seth Rogan Special, be sure to hop the bus or train home to fully round out your Seth-perience.

train

As the friendly, upbeat voice of Translink, he’ll remind you to be a decent human being on transit and almost fool you into believing that taking the bus is fun!  Until you are violently jolted back to reality by someone coughing straight into your mouth and realize that IT IS NOT. EVER.  These are the faces Seth makes when you ask him if he ever actually takes transit when back in town…

face

No?  Didn’t think so.  Stop trying to fool the financially impaired rat-racers that commuting is fun!

Now enjoy this oldie but goody from Adam Sandler.

hanukkah

The Great Jeansby

Well whaddya know, it’s Thursday again.  And tomorrow is FRIDAY aka Jeans Day!

Our staff Holiday Party is also tomorrow, and like many holiday parties you also may be attending, it is NOT a jeans-friendly party.   So remember to step it up a notch, lest you head over to a fancy hotel and enter a fancy ballroom full of fancy co-workers and feel like a fancy fool.

Formal Fashion Hints From Furry Friends:

horse

Oh she knows how fancy she is, and she will NOT let you forget it.  I bet she calls everyone “babe” in a demanding tone.

otter2

This otter, who lives in the wild, was so determined to look dapper that they found themselves a cane. Surely you can do at least that.  A walking stick or wizard’s staff or something.

Even nature’s naturally fanciest can kick it up a notch.  The penguin is giving me strong Neil Patrick Harris at the Oscars/Tonys/any-chance-he-can-get vibes.  I’m sure that guy carries tap shoes in his back pocket.

JULY_2015_FONTANELLE

Whether solving sea mysteries by day, or reading a newspaper fireside by night, this timeless look has dapper written all over it.  And let’s face it, our ensembles need to be almost as waterproof as this dolphin’s.

owl

Ah, the monocle!  Is there any single accessory that SCREAMS high-class elegance louder?  Nope!  Ask Mr. Peanut:03

peanut

 

 

 

Name a classier food. I DARE YOU.

 

[I have such an interesting/concerning internet search history… on my work computer]

meerkats

So don’t be a meerkat in a toque, be a peanut with a monocle, and strut your stuff like a peacock with a cane.  Party on!

PLEASE: Don’t drink & drive,  take a cab home.   🙂

Creature from the Jeans Lagoon

Today it’s a short and sweet (or should I say “sweat”) one…

Today is American Thanksgiving…

turkey

…and tomorrow is Black Friday.  AHHHH!!!  Here is a special Black Friday deal from last year.  Ready?

sweat

Now THAT is a deal that you DO NOT want to miss out on.  I’m constantly wishing I were a sweatier person, so thank GOD someone thought of this scented workout gel.  I can only imagine that it smells like AXE Body Spray and gives you that unsubstantiated confidence of a gym hound taking pictures of his abs in the mirror.

Ok ok, enough laughter, BACK TO WORK!

Jean Wick

WOW. What a poo fest of a day.  Good thing tomorrow is FRIDAY!  AKA Jeans Day!
This weather (and the jackhammering outside..ugh, unimpressed) has got me feeling very Keanu.

sad keanu

Poor guy. Someone give him a hug!  If this is what the weekend has in store, I have big plans…weekend plans

Yes, that’s me.  Bundled for warmth and comfort.
Theme for tomorrow is SAD jeans.  That could mean this:

Or maybe this:

I couldn’t decide which picture was funnier.  They both scream sadness since this is ADULT attire.  This is the quintessential three-kids-in-a-trench-coat outfit….but for three adults…?

If you need cheering up, here are some things to help warm your heart and bring a smile to your face.

  1. PEANUTS
  2. This video of a dog wearing boots for the first time.
  3. This classic meme that made me cry I was laughing so hard.

phtevenStay dry out there!

Jeans n Roses

Ok despite the brilliant weather this last week, I’m going to be a big butthead and rain on the parade.
Ya’ll ready for this?!

wet

No, neither am I.  But just remember…(read in your best kombucha-drinking positivity guru voice)

shut up

Uhhg, shut up.
It’s coming and we know it.  Yes, that cold November rain is blowing in.

slash1

So when you’re walking down the aisle to your one and only beloved in this:

dress

Remember that your legs might get cold.  And also know that when you’re drunk on champagne with your bridesmaids at the dress shop, you will make an impulsive dress choice…even though your legs DO look amazing and the world DOES deserve to see them because you’re a beautiful, strong woman!  …It’s ok, happens to the best of us.  Nothin’ lasts forever, and we all know minds can change, now that you’re sober and quite chilly, in the cold November rain.

rain2

Luckily, this dude ^ (AKA Dracula’s cousin) understands you fully.  So if you want to love him, then darlin’ don’t refrain or he’ll just end up walkin’ in the cold November rain (or sun as it currently stands).  That’s why you got this tattoo:

tattoo

I feel like we all should have that tattooed on our forearms, for our own sanity.  But my GnR lust got away from me and I got this piece instead (when it’s this big and artistic, you call it a “piece”) :

tattoo2

Whoops. Gonna be a tough winter.

The Boondock Jeans

Well, now that the best part of the year has come and gone (siiiiiiiiiigh), I guess we’ll just have to focus on today being All Saints Day…

All Saints

No, not that All Saints. Sorry.
…and tomorrow is All Souls Day, for those who subscribe.  All three days of Halloween, November 1 & 2 are celebrated as Dia de los Muertos in Mexico.  A colourful, magical, spooky experience that I one day hope to experience first-hand.  And I’ll be looking to meet some fun characters like these:

skull

Party boy Chad. He’ll be clattering down the street, shirtless, with a beer bong in his hands/mouth, hitting on all the women while simultaneously grossing them out.  What a mess.

silly skull

Slightly Uncertain Sue.  It’s the shrugged shoulders.  It’s funny, right?

“Uhhhha, hi. Excuse me, hi, sorry, could you please direct me to the nearest el baňo? I ate too much authentic Mexican bean dip and…well you know. Heh heh.”

star trek

This pop culture reference from Star Trek or Stargate or something.  I don’t know, a show with lasers and space.  You know, one of those space franchises that refuses to fade away and now that it’s owned by Disney, there will be a new movie out every Christmas?  Yeah that one.  Pew pew!

The party drug backpacker twins.  Ohhhh these people are fun to talk to for, like, 4 minutes, and then they are just EXHAUSTING.  They need no encouragement to keep talking.  And hugging.  No one wants to hear about your spiritual awakening through your ethically non-monogamous polyamorous relationships with people all across the world while dancing to some straight up noisey E.D.M. for longer than that.

Set of sugar skulls and design elements. Day of the Dead. Skull

Aaaaaand this guy.  Cool beard guy checking out the spooky scene with a homemade single batch artisanal bourbon in hand and a three-button vest on chest.  This is extra funny for me because he’s a dead ringer (haha, yeah I punned) for my ex…who would also be drinking some homemade single batch B.S. while twirling his spindly moustache. What a dink.

😉