Happy Thursday / Valentine’s Day / Jeans Day Eve everyone! Tomorrow we wear jeans to celebrate the Family Day long weekend. Because families who jeans together, have…genes…together…. I dunno.
Hey, did you notice that polar vortex thing that happened this week? Well worry no more because the culprit of these cold, wintery conditions has been apprehended.
Queen Elsa of Arendelle was taken into police custody early last week after police in Hanahan, South Carolina caught her at a truck stop on the lam from Illinois police. She was wanted across the continent for having temper tantrums in the form of winds howling like the swirling storm inside her adolescent heart. They caught her before she could let the storm rage on, but unfortunately, she left quite an icy trail of ruin in her path. What a snarky troublemaker.
In an attempt to warm each other’s hearts, people in the Midwest USA started this trend on social media, which is right up my alley, called the Frozen Pants Challenge. It involves hanging wet jeans out on a clothesline until they’re frozen and then posing them on your front lawn.
Haha, they’re like ghosts in pants! How hilariously terrifying. That poor mail carrier.
And a special Valentine’s treat for you all – Look! It’s Durex jeans.
Depending on what your plans are tonight, you may want to consider a pair. Why is Durex making jeans, you ask? WHO KNOWS. I definitely don’t get the correlation. I could hazard a guess…
“Durex Jeans: So thin they’re like wearing nothing at all.”
“Durex Jeans: They’re ribbed… for self-defense, not pleasure.”
“Durex Jeans: Tropical flavours that will get you banned from the kitchen.”
“Durex Jeans: Lubricated so you can fit in all those tight places.”
“Durex Jeans: We’re not sure how babies are made.”
If tonight your seductive power flurries through the air into the ground,
Your lust spiraling in frozen fractals all around,
And one naughty thought crystallizes like an icy blast,
There’s no turning back, your pants are in the past
Let the pheromone storm rage on.
The cold never bothered you anyway.