This Sunday is Super Bowl Sunday! My favourite day of the year! What is Super Bowl Sunday, you ask? Gather ye round and let me tell you a tale…
Legend has it that the Super Bowl was left on Earth by the race of giant humanoid aliens that inhabited the planet during the time of the dinosaurs. It was used for both ceremony and eating.
Due to its magical capabilities, the Super Bowl survived the asteroid impact that claimed the lives of most of the dinosaur lives on Earth, and was uncovered deep in the mountains of Nepal in the year 1212. As you can see, the decoration on the bowl has heavily influenced Asian art for centuries since its discovery.
Seen above with its devoted caretaker, Leon, in an undisclosed location, the Super Bowl is now used as a sort of oracle for predicting the future return of the humanoid aliens. It’s filled with sacred fish broth, wherein Leon soaks for a full moon cycle.
Once the broth has become a Leon soup, he adds a carefully selected variety of local vegetables, herbs and spices, and noodles (his favourite is ramen). Then he eats it. By eating the soup, Leon will be able to foresee either the day the humanoids shall return, or the day that his successor will be born.
This Super Bowl Sunday, a new Super Bowl caretaker will be born to us! A child, born of bowl, to learn the ways of the Super Bowl from Leon, to someday take over his exceedingly important trade as soup soakee and oracle. Here is a shot from Leon’s bowl birth in 1942:
(he later decided that pigtails weren’t for him)
So this Sunday, gather round with your hot wings and nachos, in your ceremonial jerseys, bowls on heads, to celebrate the coming of the Successor. A Happy Super Bowl to all!